We received some worrisome, but inconclusive, news at an early ultrasound this week. We'd gone to the ultrasound to see a heartbeat meant to reassure us in light of the low progesterone levels. Well, we didn't see a heartbeat or a baby for that matter. The "fetal pole" as it is called at this stage, was absent. We were devastated. The ultrasound remains inconclusive on its own, however, because there are a few possible explanations including misdated pregnancy, older ultrasound equipment and other unknown factors that could (maybe) explain why we didn't see what we were supposed to see. Early ultrasounds can be tricky. Still, my doctor sent me home with instructions to come back to his office or head to the ER if (when) I experience miscarriage. A second ultrasound in a week or two will likely be more conclusive. In the meantime, I'm in limbo. Let's just say my kids have watched an awful lot of television in the last 56 hours. (Also, cucumbers do work to reduce puffiness around the eyes)
I've hesitated to write anything here concerning this, as I certainly never wanted to take everyone who was happy with us on this miserable ride. At the same time, there is hope and so I want to ask you for your prayers. It's a long string of slim chances, but we're holding onto it. It would be easier to give up, to move on mentally to grieving, healing and thoughts of trying again. It would be easier, but I think God wants us to have the courage to hope against the odds for a time. Hope, I am beginning to learn, is not faith that God will hand us a particular outcome. It is the investment of ourselves with trust that, whatever the outcome, there is deeper meaning and a higher purpose to our joy and suffering. Both are worth embracing fully.
Humbly and gratefully then, I ask your prayers for a little unborn soul who has already brought us so much joy. Also, that, whatever the outcome, we be brought closer to Him through this experience.