I dream a lot these nights as I have a very hungry (and chubby) little caterpillar who prefers my milk to any other food and therefore must nurse every hour throughout the night. What I don't do much is sleep. Between feedings, in my light sleep, I dream some vivid dreams.
Last night, I had this dream that the boys and I were hiking in the mountains (the scenery was definitely influenced by a recent episode of Survivorman, a real hero in our house). We came upon a great big punch bowl-like pool of seawater and the boys wanted to go swimming in it. I was anxious, but they reassured me that it was safe and all they had to do was "check in."
Sure enough, there was a desk with a man behind it "checking" everyone in which is a sure sign of safety, right? It was an approved recreational spot that others seemed to be using much like the YMCA. So, we "checked" in and they all dove into the strange water. That's when I spotted the narwhale, an enormous whale with a huge horn protruding from his head sure to make shish kabob of all my children in short order. The "staff" behind the desk were surprised to see a narwhale in the water (I was NOT as surprised) and my anxiety returned full force, but I held my tongue as I watched my oldest son mount the whale with ease and gently "steer" the whale by applying pressure to its horn so all the other children could enjoy this wonderful animal. Once again, I was surprised at the seeming safety (and even beauty) of it all.
That's when the tigers showed up on shore...and so the dream went with every new adventure causing me to nearly lose it only to find that it was all OK, wonderful even, and perfectly normal. I was the freak with some sort of anxiety disorder sure to ruin all the fun.
What could this possibly mean?
I don't need to need to take a course in Freudian dream interpretation to see that my boys' sense of adventure and my sense of danger are in a constant battle and that I don't yet know the balance between these opposing and very powerful forces. I wonder if I ever will.
Until then, I will dream...and pray.