Monday, August 24, 2009

Speaking of Which...

Micah is very active. In addition to crawling, he pulls himself up on things and even stands independently. He doesn't sit still and everything he finds goes into his mouth. He is a great danger to himself at all times and it makes me wonder why God didn't design children to be rational first and then mobile.

Today, he pulled himself up on a wooden bar stool and when he fell backwards the stool fell on him. He cried and we comforted him and that seemed to be that, but later when I was nursing him I noticed his head was swollen on one side. It didn't look right to me. I cannot describe in words the feeling that overcomes a mother when she senses something isn't right. I had my husband look at it and he didn't like the look of it either, though we both felt reassured because Micah was acting just fine. Even so, I brought him in to the pediatrician who ordered x rays.

An hour later at the radiologist's I took a call from my pediatrician who told me Micah had a linear skull fracture. It really sounds terrible, but Micah is fine. He has been playing, eating, laughing and smiling normally all day. The fracture, which must have happened when his head hit the floor, will heal without our doing anything more about it. I just have to watch for any abnormal behavior, which isn't expected, and take him in for a follow up at the pediatrician's office tomorrow. That's it.

But my nerves are frayed and I find myself tempted by anxiety over what he might do to himself tomorrow or the next day. How could one sleep deprived woman stay on top of it all? So, I went back and re read Rachel Balducci's old column, Grace Enough. I particularly like this paragraph,

There wasn’t grace for any of those other situations – things which may or may not ever happen – because all I could do was deal with right now. I had to stop worrying about the future and focus on this boy and this wound. There was grace for the here and now, and that was all the grace I needed.
And I'm thinking about the words of Father de Caussade in this month's Magnificat,

You should remember all your life that one of the principal causes of the small progress made by certain good people is that the devil continually fills their souls with disquiet, perplexities, and troubles which render them incapable of application of virtue. The great principle of the interior life lies in peace of heart...This blessed peace of soul is the highroad to heaven. And the reason of this is that peace and tranquility of spirit alone give the soul strength to achieve all that God wills, while trouble and disquiet turn the soul into a weak, languishing invalid.
I pray for the courage to not look into the future and what I can't know, and I ask for the grace to take the tumbles as they come.