Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Writing Exercises to Make Me Thin

Dear Mother Nature,

I am not a squirrel, a raccoon, a bear, or a beaver. There really is no need to encourage me to "fatten up" for the winter. Should I find myself cold one December day, I could just make myself a hot cup of tea, put on a sweater, turn up the thermostat or any number of other things. I simply do not have to rely upon personal body fat for warmth or for survival.

So, when you encouraged me to buy all those snacks from Trader Joe's last weekend, you weren't doing me any favors. And when you just wouldn't stop reminding me that I hadn't yet consumed them all, you were actually ruining my chances of "fitness" which some have given us to understand is directly related to our survival.

I thought I finally had you in control late last night when I decided to go to bed, partly in order to make myself stop snacking (the early hibernation trick). But you are very clever, Mother Nature, and somehow you managed to arrange it so that my pajamas were in the dryer. In order to get to the dryer, I had to pass the pantry where snacks were waiting. And, of course, I had to pass them again on the way back.

Please consider carefully what I have said here, and perhaps you will see how unnecessary it is to make me desire baked pasta dishes, meatloaf, potatoes, stuffing, and gravy when the weather turns cooler. Maybe you won't make me think of fresh baked fruit pies, cookies, muffins and breads. Maybe roasted poultry and glazed vegetables will lose their appeal and you could arrange things so that all I will want is cold salads and carrot sticks all the year round.

Thank you.

13 comments:

Cheryl M. said...

I know you wrote this for me...yesterday was pasta and gravy and for dessert...apple pie! Of course I must make my own pie crust...and one of my favorite things to eat in the whole wide world is raw homemade pie crust...and all I have on my mind is pumpkin muffins (with those two sticks of butter per double recipe.) Yogurt for breakfast and salad for lunch is not going to be too appetizing before too long...sigh...

Johane said...

... and me. Macaroni and cheese for supper last night. Chicken stew the other night (with dumplings and homemade bread)... Which is always better on the second days, obviously.

And then there are those "decorate your own cookie" packages that the kids got... And the chocolate necessary for those homemade christmas goodies, that somehow go missing before the goodies get made... hmmmm...

Doesn't surfing count for exercise? ;)

mopsy from lifenut said...

I made a huge batch of chili last night, from scratch. I also made corn muffins. Lately, I'm all about the soups, stews, chowders. I can't stop making them and my family is getting sick of eating off spoons every night.

It's because of the season.

I also discovered Oreo Cakesters. They will be the death of me.

Jennifer said...

You sooo wrote this post for me. Home made soups and stews, biscuits and gravy, apple cakes, pies muffins......
OOOHHH Oreo Cakesters. Have MERCY:-)

Ann Horan said...

I just put together a beef stew which is simmering nicely. I have spent the time since then telling myself that we don't need homemade biscuits to go with it (well, I don't anyway). They will surely ruin today's feeble attempt at exercise.

I just looked at the forecast and I think mother nature is going to punish me for all those thoughts of tasty baked goods. The temperature will be rising for the rest of the week!

Kristen Laurence said...

I love it!!

Colleen said...

And all the liturgical feasts are killing me!

ryan m. said...

Dear Mom,

We find stacking chairs to be an effective diversion and a good form of exercise at any time of year.

Just a tip.

Sincerely,

Your devoted sons

Stephanie said...

Soup is winter "salad" - just add broth and cook the ingredients instead of putting dressing on top. Add whole grain bread. Use olive oil. Stay hydrated. (The brain's asking for what you can't get from the sun when the clouds and the season are in the way.) (And Trader Joe's gets me too. Have you had the chocolate covered almonds that also have sea salt on their exteriors? Oh. My. Word.)

Suzanne Temple said...

Oooo, soup as winter's salad. That is a great way to look at it. I'll remember that one. Thanks, stephanie.

Karen E. said...

Suzanne, you are hilarious. I love this.

Have you noticed that one thing that never loses its appeal, no matter what time of year, is a glass of wine? :-)

Liz said...

I lost 66 pounds in the past 16 months and soup last winter was definitely on the menu. I even made single serving recipes of soup for breakfast! I find that soup actually is more filling than salad and more appealing in the winter. Of course you do have to be careful about the "with its". Biscuits and muffins can wreck the best of intentions. However, I found that making a nice bowl of chicken soup with an ounce or so of chicken breast, some canned chicken stock (if I didn't have homemade), a half a cup or so of cut up onion and a cup or two of spinach kept me filled up until lunch time or until dinner time(if I had it a lunch) I usually accompanied it with a glass of skim milk and sometimes sprinkled so parmesan cheese on top. However, it was comfort food at it's best, yet still diet friendly. Of course if you don't want to go to the bother of making soup, Campbell's select Italian wedding soup works well in a pinch. But stay away from anybody's snack stuff, or alternately repackage it in single serving baggies and then stick to just one bag. It's tricks like that that took me from a size 18 tight to a size 6 loose. It didn't come from eating only yogurt and salad.

Suzanne Temple said...

Congratulations to you, LIz! and thanks for the suggestions!