Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Picking Up Where Martha Leaves Off
Martha Stewart has a handy tip for safely removing a broken light bulb from its socket. She says to use a small potato to press against the broken glass. Turn counterclockwise. Great.
...what if (in the middle of family movie night) that light bulb is so completely shattered that there is not much broken glass to speak of, much less pierce a potato? And what if you didn't have a potato on hand, so you thought a firm apple might substitute?
I'll tell you what. That apple will turn and turn and drip juice all over the inside of the socket and the result will be nothing more than a sticky socket with a broken light bulb stuck in it and an apple with a circular cookie cut through the middle, filled with tiny, tiny shards of broken glass. Now what?
Martha had no suggestions, but I found a way.
First, let the lamp sit for about three weeks in its disgusting and unusable condition. Every once in a while, think about that lamp and the broken bulb inside, sigh and feel discouraged. As often as you feel that way, pick at the bulb with a needle nose pliers, chipping off bits of glass and toying with the strange gummy, rusty metallic apple pulp substance inside.
Let other items in the household go into disrepair. If you throw out the bathroom rug, for example, don't replace it. Find switches not working, toys broken, books outside in the rain. Go nuts. Make a long list of everything in the house that needs attention and attack. Spend a small fortune at your favorite Big Box Mart*. Decide to buy a new lamp, too. Realize that you like this lamp and don't want to throw it away. Hold it over the trash and tear the metal out bit by bit with needle nose pliers. Wonder for a moment if you aren't tearing out the lamp hardware along with the remains of the broken bulb, glass shards, and apple-element compote.
At long last, the pliers will take hold of the last twisted chunk of dilapidated ruin. Turn counterclockwise.
* There is a potty word in that video.